SUCKABCRAZEE

Hooking 101
So many of my friends are hookers, oh I'm sorry, escorts. And not because "The Gays" are a sexually fixated breed, it's because the economy is so bad, to be quite honest. Every week I see more and more of my friends becoming a headless ad in the back of the Bay Area Reporter. Their club has grown larger and larger, and sometimes I feel like the last person being chosen for the football team, only the team is naked and fucking.
And when the question comes up, as it has on many a take your non-hooker friend to work day, have I ever thought about shaking my cakes for a little extra money, I usually take it as a compliment. Because when a hooker asks you if you would like to try it or, possibly assist in one of their jobs, what they are really saying is, you're hot, making money hot, and that is a huge compliment. Even bigger than when somebody pukes while giving you a blow job.
The money is certainly an enticement, but with so many hookers out there is there anybody left to call them. For a while there it seemed like the only jobs available to gay men were drug dealer or hooker, oh yeah and catering, which is a fate worse than death. I would sometimes wonder if Hookers used other hookers.
Say it's a Monday night and Sam the hooker has taken the night off to observe Yom Kippur or whatever, and he's all alone at home going over some bills and suddenly he's like "I think I'll get a hooker, and a pizza. The way bartenders have drinks on their night off or the way pot club workers bong out anytime they're not at work , well actually anytime but you get what I am saying.
The answer is, they do. I have asked this question of many of my escort friends and they have said yes, they like to see what going on out there. They like to stay up to date on what is new and fresh in their field, and they like to take notes.
And it is my understanding there is a lot of overlap when it comes to the clientele. My friend Jessie who is not only a hooker, a damn good one mind you, but an artist as well, has told me of some of his clients calling up other colleagues of his. And then they get together afterwards to laugh about how utterly ridiculous it was when they were asked to deliver their feces in a gift wrapped box or how bad they beat the shit out of some guy who asked to be used. And it's a good way to mix it up, or borrow from each other, so the client doesn't get bored walking home with the same black eye every session.
So you see it's really all about customer relations, and making them happy. And can I just say, the hookers I know make scads of cash. That's why I never feel bad when they offer to pay for lunch. I could never do it myself and not because I feel it's wrong because I don't. The real reason is because I love to make jokes. I wouldn't be able to have some fat asshole dressed in a diaper ask me to sit on his face and call him Pikachu, without making a comedy routine out of it. And I 'm betting nobody wants to be made fun of when they are in full sex fantasy mode. I would probably be the least working escort in town, so knowing this about myself I just won't bother.
I would rather not live through that humiliation.
The one thing that I really can't stand about the world of hooking is that there is still so much negative judgement associated with it. I mean this is the year 2009 isn't it. I mean we all get MTV don't we? For example I was walking through the Castro with a hooker friend of mine, when we happened upon one of his clients. My friend went to wave but stopped short of a full arm extension because the clients face went full on "Bitch you better not". And it became instantly apparent he was walking with two guys , one was his boyfriend and the other was probably just a friend but a friend who was recovering from a meth addiction and you know how fucking judgmental those bitches are.
We walked past without a word but it was too late. As we walked just beyond them I heard the boyfriend say "Stupid fucking whore." And I felt at that moment I needed to step up and shoot the bitch down. So I was like "What."
And the boyfriend gives me this look like , I didn't say anything, it must have been the wind.
So I was like " Who the fuck are you to call anybody anything, just because you go home and work out all of your fucked up shit alone, for free doesn't make you any better. So keep your comments to yourself."
And then I grabbed my friend by the arm and said "Come on." and we kept on walking. It was all very Norma Rae or something. I smiled at my friend and was like " That was awesome, what a bitch, I hate people like that."
But much to my surprise my friend was not pleased that I jumped to defend him, instead he was like " Thanks alot, now that guy is never going to call me again and he pays really well, fuck, why did you say anything at all,I don't care what that guy thinks of me. Whatever, you suck."

And so you see, I learned on that day that hookers don't need defending and that sometimes they can be little fucking bitches on top of being dirty little whores. But not all of them. So happy hooking and remember Jesus is always watching and if you see him remind him that he owe me forty dollars.