The Change

joey and miles

The transformation of my friend joey was something that forced remarking on . When you saw him , it was if you were looking at an entirely brand new person . I was jealous , and scared ,  now he had reason to leave me. I would torture myself  frequently with the scenario of Joey's inevitable departure playing on a loop in my head. I will bring it to a halt by reminding myself if I were religious I would flagellate myself  for penance. Look it up , flagellate you morons.

But I could see how different joey was now, and how people were treating him differently , even the most casual of passerby's would take a moment to pause at  joey, as for just a brief fleeting momentary instant of a millisecond in time they were blinded and transfixed by joey's inner beauty. Inner ,yes,  but it was beginning to show evidence all of his body , his face looked younger and full of life , his torso and extremities had experienced a lifting of sorts , along with a renewed zest for living , Joey looked and felt and  appeared  to be better.

And goddamnit mother fucker, I was pissed , I wanna be evolving ,if for anything then at most to be with Joey , along with him as we both transformed , but we couldn't afford to get both of us done so we did him first . After another year of saving we could do me. 

We flipped for it. He's going to be a year ahead of me now , and how am I supposed to be able to keep up, he will leave me behind and if he does , I won't be able to get done in a year without his help. Time will prove it will be two years before I can come back and do me. But by then . Joey will be long gone and I will be alone ad the whole reason we did this was to be able to have more time together living on this planet . Maybe  forever, I have heard stories of some folks living  well beyond 150 , maybe they are the stuff of legend and myth but I feel in my heart of most deepest hearts that they're true , those stories . I know it .

Mike And Roman

Roman's body had been scarred horribly by HIV , internally and externally , but mostly his organs . It had become very difficult  for us to be intimate . I don't want you to think we  are sex crazed gay men , because the entire world thinks that all gay men are sex crazed drug induced crack whores. But were not all like that . I was raised a very  strict religious person and those values are still important to me.  I am very happy to tell you I am still very much in love with my husband , I have never needed anybody else for anything . He loves me , I know this to be true, without question. I watched the love of my life wither before me and I stood unable to do anything to help him or prevent it . I would lie in bed listening to my dearest love's body decay in the silence of night. One day , a friend sent me an email about  "the Change " . I knew immediately we had to find an a way to get this for Roman. We had a little money stashed away , and some property we sold off, a little bit more here and there and before we knew it , we had the entire 350,000. The days were winding down for roman and we could both feel it , it was right behind us at every second we lived . Finally we got our appointment , and we were so thrilled, we were both in tears , sitting on the floor next to the desk  where we had read the confirmation email. It never dawned on me , that Roman's heart couldn't handle the excitement of being renewed. Suddenly , interrupting our happiness was the stillness of Roman's body as I felt his heart stop as it was pressed against mine. I tried everything , I call 911 , CPR , but I was being too gentle according to the EMT . He crushed Roman's sternum because His HIV meds had made his bones so brittle. I don't know how long I was siting there before he EMT's felt they needed to take me in for observation , they felt I was a danger to myself. They said I was screaming wildly and swearing in spanish . I don't even speak spanish. My recollection of the whole painful experience is of me very calmly and peacefully saying good bye to my angel ROman floating in to he sky looking and feeling more beautiful than ever before . From a distance I could hear him whisper I love you. Two days later I wake up a the psyche ward on the third floor of general hospital. Needless to say I was exhausted form what had transpired , my life derailed , I fell into a bleak and dark hopelessness , and then I remembered , we had paid for " THe Change" for one. We were now one . So I did it . Roman would have wanted me too. He would want me to have a chance at being happy after years of going through the agony of watching him die , he would want me to have those years back . And If you really want to know, I feel fucking fantastic. 

Lacey

When I first heard  about the change ,I thought it was one of those hokey  self empowering weekends , where a bunch of people get together under the pretense of mamboing themselves better, but it ends up being a cover for people to fuck out in the woods. At first glance I didn't really notice it at all Then I was walking down market , well what I call walking , I was seriously injured in a car accident a few years ago and I feel constant pain in both my legs, so guess I limp down the street.Coming my way is my ex girlfriend Shawna, and she looks perfect , more beautiful than I remembered , I was speechless.  It was like she was glowing form the inside out, and she looked , the only word I can think  of is robust. Gorgeous.

She looks up and sees me and I can see in her face she knows its me. I can't find words to  say the most basic of hellos. Instead I begin to reach for here. Without saying a ward she slides a card into my hand . It said "THe Change" and then a website. Then she was gone . I looked it up , and  I knew /I was going to do it. It mentioned being a physical and mental renewal and rejuvenation. It also mentioned parts of it being somewhat painful emotionally and physically , I knew it was for me. I had been through so much pain n the past two years, I knew I could handle it. I took a chunk of the money I received for my accident and I bought myself an appointment. Now look at me , Im not only walking I'm running again , miles, I;m running multiple miles, and Sharper than ever , with none of that ridiculous emotional baggage or stupid hangups I had before, my mind was clean and running like a finely tuned machine.My body was fully restored  and i'm having mores sex than ever before , great sex for hours. Girls , girls , all over the place , throwing themselves at me . Thanks Shawna , If I never see you again, I fucking love you doll.

Lazar

My Ballet career was over , at the age of 25. Not many people are aware of the rampant drug abuse problem amongst the ballet community. Steroids, cortisone, pain killers, muscle relaxers, laxatives, and of course crystal meth, for weight loss. That was my thing . As  male ballet dancer my options for employment are already limited , and If I gain too much weight i'm done , so I smoked speed , and the occasional laxative binge, before a show. THe key to a good laxative binge is really the timing . ANyway , after  a few years of this abuse, my body began to betray me . In subtle ways at first, then in ways that were impossible to ignore.. During a rehearsal for a performance , my bowels decided to take on a life of their own. WIthout going into the details we can just say . I ran out of that rehearsal and all the way back to my apartment in just enough time to crap my pants in the lobby of my building . Auditions became less frequent for me due to the uncertainty of my functions. Even when I was at home , resting very near my own bathroom, I couldn't find enough time to get to the toilet . At first it happened infrequently , then more frequently , until I finally went to see a doctor. He said I had colon cancer, and it was spreading more rapidly than it normally does. Not only was my life as a dancer over , but soon my life would be over too. Of course I felt cheated , I had been robbed by a society that demanded I do these things to my body to achieve perfection in dance, and these "things"  robbed me of my life's passion and consequently of my life itself. It took every cent I had and I borrowed some of the money form my friends and parents , but I did it . I raise 35000 dollars and I underwent the change. It's been 2 years and I have my life back . I'm dancing , and I'm happy , I'm in love , but not the stupid way I had been in love before. With my mind free of all the bullshit we collect , the stuff that weighs us down . I was completely successfully renewed. And even though , there were a couple of complications , I made it back to 100 percent Lazar the dancer. And I would do it again if I had too , in a heartbeat.

Pancho

Hey I'm not going to lie to you , I love to eat . I love to eat mexican food. My mother , who I was living with at the time , knew that I loved food. She was the best mexican food cook ever. Breakfast lunch , and dinner, every day , huge portions of mexican food .  I don't know how I didn't notice I  had reached the weight of 350 pounds. It felt like it happened over night, but it had actually been 4 years. 4 years since my mother divorced my father and then he died alone in a hotel form psoriasis of the liver due to his alcoholism. My mother was devastated, and me being the youngest , I was still living with her when this ll happened . I couldn't leave her , not while her heart was broken . I put my plans to go to A&M corpus christi, on hold . I thought for maybe a year at most. 4 years later and I still hadn't gone to college , I was barely working at the local grocery store because I was so fat , and my mother was the culprit.

She was so terrified of being alone after my father died , she fed me unit I was so dependent on her for the amount of food I would eat everyday, I couldn't escape her house. She was living off of my father's life insurance , and it was a big one , so her house was overstocked with food . We had talked about trying to lose the weight , and e both feared I could slip backwards while I was sleeping and choke to death . I was now sleeping on the floor in the living room , completely upright . If I were to ever fall back I didn't have the strength to lift my 350 pound frame and I would choke to death in mere minutes. Try getting rest when you know that could happen very time you close your eyes.  One night it happened I fell off of my pillow supports under my back and fell backwards onto the coffee table. It caused such a noise my mother came running in , and tried to save me by crawling under the coffee table and trying to lift me up. Using the coffee table as support we were able to prop myself up again and I could breath but then without warning , the table collapsed and my mother was pinned under me , My weight was suffocating her. I could feel her struggling to get free but I was so heavy , and she was in her late 50s . As her strength dwindled beneath me , and the last ounce of her life twitched out of her, I was safe , able to breath only because my mother was dying underneath my huge body. Two days went by before anybody came to check on us,I felt like I was going to die I was so hungry , I had urinated and defecated all over myself and my mother's decomposing body was wedged underneath me .  It was horrific by the time help came. 

It took 2 fire trucks and 8 EMT's to get me out of the house and clean up my mother. I was so near death, I felt I would be joining my mother at any moment. But miraculously I grew stronger every day until pretty soon , I could think clearly again and I was full of remorse. I longed to have those days back , the ones where together me and my mother made all the wrong decisions. I wanted to be me again before I stopped and became this horrible monster that killed his mother. One morning I woke in the hospital to a letter from a lawyer, I had received the whole sum of my mothers and father life insurance , and it was a big one. Underneath it was a card for the change. I found it online , and I bought my appointment the very next day . There were risks due to my size , but I said fuck it , If there is even a small chance sand being me again , I'm taking it. The pain I experienced was not typical of most cases, my pain was a bit more profound because of my size , but I powered through it and I am me again. I am health and mentally sound, I feel like I have been given a new lease online and I can only thank my mother. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for her , I know she is looking down and smiling on me . She is happy I finally found the escape I had only dreamed about , and she gave it to me , with her life.

Carisma

You have probably heard of my band the Gay Porno Mafia, were huge all over the  world except in the US, which is so funny because were from the US. But in Europe or the eastern bloc , even in Japan, huge . Tours everywhere, adoring fans , but we really wanted success in our own country , we wanted to be loved in english , like love american style, you dig?

So we signed with a huge label in America, and me and my band thought this was really going to happen, finally .  I don't know how it happened , , I don't do drugs or drink excessively , I exercise ,I thought I was in great shape. One night in Hamburg , whole I was sleeping in the hotel , I woke to the sharpest pain in my see it felt like i was being torn in half.I was rushed to the hospital , where I was told my cervix had been ruptured somehow and was hemorrhaging into my body, with surgery they removed it , and stopped the bleeding .I was alive but there would be no more deal in America, or career in music, It was all over . I would never have children or be the same person I was. Life had become an endless array of bleak possibilities, confined to a wheelchair, limited mobility, a lifetime of hormone replacements and complications . The day I was released form the hospital  I came home to find a card in my mail , it said "The Change" and then a website. Well, when I said we were big in Europe , we were huge, huge enough that the 350000 was nothing to throw down for the procedure. Within 6 moths I was fully renewed and now our first album is about to break in the Us and it's awesome. I will send you guys and advance copy. I owe you the world and my dreams come true to the  people at the Change. I have never felt more amazing , not even when i was hooked on yoga