A person needs rules in their life. A life without rules is a life without structure and who needs that. For example, a rule that I always follow is that I never cross water or take the Bay Area Rapid Transit for dick, especially unknown unfamiliar dick. Another rule I like to adhere to is , I never get completely undressed until I'm certain , whoever I am meeting for the first time , isn't some kind of freak. I always keep my pants on , just in case a fire breaks out or I suddenly find another person hiding under the bed or in the closet. I want to be ready to jam in a situation like that.
It's little self imposed rules like these that keep me in check and minimize the chance of public humiliation. But I am not perfect. There have been the occasional moment of whimsy, where I found myself throwing caution and the rules right out the window. I would say 60 percent of the time it worked out for the best , however, the other 40 percent of the time proved to be nothing short of crazy, and I have he scars to prove it.
Lou is a guy I met online, surprise ,surprise. And initially when we got around to speaking on the phone , his voice made me feel so a ease I decided to fore go the rules and haul my ass out to Concord. He told me he was a former porn star from the early days of porn and I figured if he was still alive he couldn't be all that freaky, and even though he said he lived in a trailer, I went anyway. I don't like to be judgemental when it comes to double wides. Some of the nicest people I've ever met lived in trailers, just before a tornado came by and swept them away.
When I arrived in Concord, it was such a relief to see with my own eyes, Lou was actually nice looking.
I got into his vintage 280zx feeling a little better about foregoing the rules. But before I could utter a hello, his phone starts ringing and he starts screaming a the person on the other end, Screaming the way a person screams at a recent ex-boyfriend. As he hangs up he looks at me and he's like " I just broke up with this guy and he's crazy. He keeps stalking me. So if you hear the phone ringing or if you should see someone looking into my windows or pounding on the door, it's OK, it's just my ex."
I was like " Do you think you could have told me that before I hauled my ass out here to Concord."
Lou apologized and reassured me that I was safe and That his ex was mostly bark and not a whole lot of bite. I casually asked for his name, trying to feign interest. I never expected him to say the name of a person I, not only knew but, was actually friends with. For me if someone helps you move more than twice, you're friends.
Peter had been that friend, and had vanished a couple of months ago. Now I know where he had been. Suddenly I wanted to go home but , there was no way I could get out of this one. All I could think was I never should have ignored the rules.
This thought became so much more relevant when I go into the trailer and discovered, Lou was not only the worlds only porn dinosaur but , he was also a celebrity stalker. Judging by the size of his shrines to Britney Spears and Madonna, this was not going to be an easy night.
The pounding started just as he phone stopped ringing. I felt I should tell Lou, I was friendly with his stalker and that I think I should go home. The phone starts ringing again, and he answers it just like this " Hey fucker I'm here with a friend of yours and were going to fuck all night so how do you like that."
This time the pounding on the door was so loud I wanted to hide behind the Britney shrine. The less I heard the better, is what I thought when I reached for my headphones, but before I could cover my ears with the music from my Ipod, Lou grabs my arm and with all the seriousness of a politician he says "I don't allow outside music in my house. I only listen to my music . "
I am never going to fore go the rules ever again ,I kept reminding myself, that is if I should get out of here alive or without murdering Lou.
(to be
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