Sitting in Chris' hotel room with his boyfriend Rein, I can't help but think to myself ; the word PUSSY is overused. For example I am sitting with this guy Rein and he has just told me that Chris is a pussy. The funny thing is ; just moments before he left Chris told me that Rein is a pussy. I personally don't think either of them is a pussy, so you can see where I would think the world should pull back on the use of the word. It is clearly being thrown around by people who don't know how to use it and that concerns me.
To make matters worse, when Chris returns to the hotel room it is in his eyes and on his face, he thinks Rein is a pussy, and to match it, Rein's face also tells me he thinks Chris is a pussy.
As for me I am just a white girl trying to make it in the big city. Something tells me there is going to be a rumble.
The history of Chris and Rein is of no concern to me. How they have arrived at this moment in time is not important. The important thing is when you have two men in the same hotel room calling each other out for being a pussy, the only thing that could possibly make matters worse is my presence. Sometimes I don't have to be present to piss people off, I can do it from a totally different state if I have to.
And in my defense , it is not that I am some asshole who enjoys conflict, it is mostly due to the fact I am oblivious to what is really going on because I am so self absorbed. What can I say I'm an American yellow bellied homosexual male, it's what we do.
The hotel room is growing smaller and smaller as the tension grows between Chris and Rein,oh yeah and then there is me dancing around with my shirt off telling jokes and trying to lighten the mood. Chris laughs along with me because I have known him for a long time and we share a couple of humorous moments in our history but Rein is what is known as a tough room, to make him laugh I would have to set myself ablaze to the sound of calliope music. So like I said the room gets a little bit smaller.
By now , where I am in my life, you would think I would learn that when two men start to push each others buttons in the wee hours of the morning , it is time to put on my Aerosmith halter top, stop telling jokes and remove myself . Stupidly, I forget this lesson and press on trying to make everybody laugh through their problems. I have become the drive through clown.
There are some things that are inevitable, like the rain or the morning , or the fresh donuts at Bob's on Polk street, and then there is also the inevitability of Chris and Rein going at each other. Nothing in the world ,not even all of my stupid jokes is going to prevent it. They are locked into a path there is no escape from, and I know this so I do what my mother always told me to do when life gets uncomfortable, I excuse myself and go to the bathroom. There is always something to do in the bathroom.
I leave the room and walk down the hall to the bathroom.The rest of the bed and breakfast is eerily quiet and I feel embarrassed for being associated with the noise coming from the boys room. I slip into the bathroom and turn the faucet on just to get some white noise going on. I do my business and then I pause for a moment to enjoy the silence. Then it sounds like all hell breaks loose on the other side of the door. All I can say is whenever I come out of the bathroom and I see two full grown men trying to kill each other in a hotel room my first reaction is to grab my bag and go, so I did.
As much as I would have loved to stay and see how the police would handle this situation I opt to read about it in the police blotter the next day. Sorry guys.
In the world of boyfriends Chris and Rein are nothing new, but they are something . And if you were to take them separately you would hear each one of them tell a story of two young men who fell in love. And when I asked them individually each one of them smiled and said "No it hasn't always been like this, he was so cool once."
And there you have it , once , somewhere , somehow, in some way they were cool and each of them saw the other as such. Amongst all the petty bickering and the array of nameless dicks and the guys attached to them, through all of the gay fodder and social bullshit, they had managed to lose their cool. That sucks, for them.
How does it happen that they lost it and became the person the other would hate. I could totally relate.
I had once lost my cool in the eyes of Nob Hill Guy and I still think I may never get it back. And we will always be this awkward silence shared across the city of San Francisco. We may never speak again and we may never see each other again but between us was the shared loss of cool and a good friend.
Walking away form the hotel I could hear Chris and Rein pummeling each other amongst a machine gun fire of obscenities and accusations and of course the word Pussy. I said silently to myself, I hope for my sake I can be cool again before I die. I hope I get one last chance to get it right. I hate the word Pussy
Spit.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/074828579162311544450
No comments:
Post a Comment