SUCKABCRAZEE

Straight Up Raw
After about eight to ten hours of watching this guy beat off just to get an erection, It was either laugh or, get dressed. I did both. I looked down at his crotch then back to his face, and was like "'Don't you get tired of being naked sometimes. His head cocked sideways, like a dog and I closed the door between us. It may sound like an evil thing to do but, I chuckled at myself as I walked away. Sometimes, I make myself laugh.
I am a firm believer in the old adage " There is nothing sillier than a limp dick begging to get in."
If I didn't leave before that sweat covered tweeker mess started asking, my chuckle may have been a full on guffaw , but I can't be too sure because I don't think i have ever heard anybody break out the elusive guffaw, the champagne of laugh responses.
It was another beautiful day in my fair city . I always feel guilty when the rest of the country is going through the paces of global warming, we always seem to have so many beautiful days here. I say a thank you under my breath so I didn't seem cocky or ungrateful walking down the sidewalk with a smile.
It was on the next block that not only;y had I already forgotten about my non sexual unencounter but I was reminded of it suddenly was when my eyes fixated on a couple standing just in front of me, the woman was glowing with the glow of an expectant mother. They were happy and it showed. I looked at them, and the only thing I could think was..That's a bitch that takes it straight up bareback and raw. She let her man fully fuck her without a condom and the he blew his load straight up her conch. That's called barebacking. And it's a smart marketing tool, I know because it was invented by fags.
Them without warning I guffawed. Fuck yeah! I made myself guffaw.
I decided to ask the only girl I know in town Yvonne. She was once a promising model but then she discovered there was a much grander future in her personal exploration of prescription pharmaceuticals.
Sitting next to her as she snorted as huge line of cocaine complete with truck driver trumpet nose sound effect, her eyes smile when she sees me and she's like " My nose is so fucked ever since that guy punched me when his mother ducked to not get hit. "
Curious I was like " Why were you standing behind her?"
Yvonne was like " I was holding the old lady's purse because it had all the drugs in it."
"Oh ok thanks."
She does another line. So I asked her a question that had been lingering "Do you use a condom when you fuck?"
Shocked she was like " Oh my God no. But unlike you I don't have sex with raunchy guys."
How did she ....I mean they aren't raunchy just very expressive, some a little too expressive but that what my stun gun is for.
I was like " Well you' re right, the guy who punched out his mother over drugs sounds like such a catch and I'm sure he has no idea what a douche hose is, tell me Yvonne have you ever eaten out his butt, maybe kissed it a little."
A couple of times"
I was like "Say Yvonne do you know what a douche hose is?"
"You mean a Summer's Eve?"
Chuckling again " Never mind, it isn't anything." I decided the guys I have sex with may be a little raunchy but it's all in good fun and their butts are always clean. She has no idea, and I decided to leave it that way. Because that means Straight people are barebacking and felching and god knows what else and they have no idea what a douche hose is , I wonder if they even shower. What the fuck I guffawed again, I am the funniest guy in the land, to myself at least.