SUCKABCRAZEE

Christmas Cheer
Somebody I know called me the other day to tell me , there were people getting trampled at the Marshall's downtown location. I was like, what the fuck, was there a Lady GaGa sighting, was Paula Abdul seen falling out in the shoe department, no, nothing so thrilling. It was over merchandise. People were getting trampled , not just at Marshall's but all over town in various retail outlet locations, spanning the diverse universe that has become San Francisco's retail arena.

I thought the economy was bad, I thought people were afraid to spend because the economy was tanking out. I remember receiving invitations to a couple of really hot mass suicides just before Christmas, and I thought about going but , you know what they say, if you've been to one mass suicide, well.. you're probably no going to make it to the other one.

As cheery as a mass suicide in the spirit of Christmas sounds , being witness to some yuletide consumer stampeding sounds like an even better party. I wondered if I should hike it over to Loehman's and perch myself on the stairwell between the first and second floor and watch the heavyweights battle it out for the best in Christmas shopping.

I bet there are grandmothers out there that train all year for these events , and when it comes to Christmas cheer and the act of spreading it, Granny does not fuck around. A couple of black eyes and a lacerated boobie later , Grams will know the joy of being able to give her family , the best this town has to offer. On Christmas morning as she rests safely in intensive care the gifts will stand as a testament to all the love and goodness Christmas is about.

And as for those other suckers who wind up flattened roadkill , I say this; Amateur. Why can't you be more like granny? Do you want to know why , because you're weak. You don't have what it takes to go out and get yourself some fucking Christmas cheer.
Instead you will whine about how you didn't get exactly what you wanted for Christmas and it's no body's fault but your own. You want something, you need to get up off of your ass , and got get it. It's Christmas for the love of Christ and it's America. So don't come back until you have a couple of broken fingers and an eye patch or two and I want to see a huge bundle of Christmas love.
Don't be a pussy Jesus hates pussies, now do it!
Merry fucking Christmas mother fucker, god I love this time of year.
Spit.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/074828579162311544450